i was rollin on her like bob the builder
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
