Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
