a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
