I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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