Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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