For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
