Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
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I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
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His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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