the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
