God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
