from now on my penis is your penis
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
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