Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
