I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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