Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
