Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
