I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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