That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
