by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
