phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
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This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
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We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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