I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
