His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
