I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
