My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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