Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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