I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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