My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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