My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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