I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
