Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
