please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
