Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
