Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
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Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
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It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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