How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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