ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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