How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Randomize
