Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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