that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
