Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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