Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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