FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
