Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
