Your tits are I can't wait for
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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