I just made out with a guy for $7.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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