dude i'm inner monologue high
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
