Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
