Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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