what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
