I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
