my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
