i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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