I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
