my phone cant type all the emotion im having
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
