Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
