I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
