where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
