I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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