omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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