He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
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Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
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You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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