I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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