We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
