I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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