People with herpes should wear stickers.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I am available for nakedness
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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