My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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