Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I am midnight drunk by noon
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
