the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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