I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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