You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
