the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
