Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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