i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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