dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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