Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
