I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize