I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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