My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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