dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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