I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
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