life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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